Every parent wants to see their child succeed. It’s natural to step in, offer solutions, and remove obstacles from their path. But what if this instinct to help is actually holding them back? Many parents unknowingly weaken their child’s resilience by solving every problem for them. While it may seem like the right thing to do in the moment, constantly “fixing” things teaches children that they can’t handle challenges on their own.
Dr. Kate Lund has spent years helping parents understand the difference between supporting their children and overprotecting them. She emphasizes that resilience isn’t something kids are born with—it’s something they develop through experience. If they never face difficulties on their own, they never build the confidence and problem-solving skills necessary to navigate life independently.
When Helping Becomes a Hindrance
The real danger of fixing everything is that it creates a mindset of dependence. Children start to believe that when things get tough, someone else will always step in. This makes them more anxious, less confident, and unable to tolerate discomfort. Instead of learning how to problem-solve, adapt, and push through difficulties, they become easily overwhelmed by setbacks.
Overprotective parenting often comes from a place of love, but it can have serious long-term consequences. Children who are constantly rescued from failure may develop low frustration tolerance, poor coping skills, and a fear of taking risks. They may avoid challenges altogether, fearing they won’t succeed without external help. In adulthood, this can lead to struggles with independence, decision-making, and resilience in the face of adversity.
Why Struggle is Essential for Growth
Encouraging resilience doesn’t mean abandoning children when they struggle. It means coaching them through challenges rather than removing them entirely. Instead of providing immediate solutions, parents can guide children through the process of thinking critically, managing emotions, and finding their own way forward. This helps them build the mental and emotional tools necessary to handle setbacks, regulate frustration, and stay motivated despite difficulties.
One of the most powerful ways to teach resilience is by allowing children to experience controlled struggle. This doesn’t mean exposing them to unnecessary hardship, but rather giving them opportunities to solve their own problems within a supportive environment. When they encounter a challenge, parents can step back and let them try, fail, and try again—while providing encouragement along the way.
Reframing Failure as a Stepping Stone
Many children develop anxiety around making mistakes because they’ve been conditioned to believe that failure is something to avoid. When parents model a growth mindset, embracing mistakes as stepping stones to success, children learn to see challenges as opportunities rather than threats.
This shift in perspective helps children become solution-oriented rather than fear-driven. Instead of shutting down at the first sign of difficulty, they develop perseverance, adaptability, and confidence in their ability to figure things out.
Building Long-Term Confidence Through Resilience
Resilience isn’t built overnight. It’s a gradual process that requires patience and consistency. Parents who make the shift from fixers to facilitators give their children the greatest gift of all—the confidence to navigate life’s challenges independently.
Dr. Kate Lund reminds parents in her book, Step-Away: The Keys to Resilient Parenting, that their role isn’t to remove every obstacle but to equip their children with the skills to overcome them on their own. When kids develop resilience, they grow into capable, confident, and emotionally strong individuals who can thrive in any environment.
